Yesterday on a make-shift stage at EPA headquarters in Washington, DC, the first cow that jumped over the moon stated she did so to get away from sludge-treated pastures and announced that every cow in the United States has vowed to jump over the September 10, 2003 harvest moon if the EPA does not issue an emergency moratorium on the land application of sewage sludge.

The moon-jumping cow said, “We cows have suffered every indignation. Our milk is ruined by pasteurization and homogenization, our meat is poisoned with drugs and chemicals, we are denied grass and instead our bellies are bloated with grain, and we are even forced to eat each other. What next? I’ll tell you what next. Millions of pounds of sewage sludge, poison, are being put our grazing fields - and it’s killing us.”

Though the EPA denies that sludge is harmful to animals and humans, a court in Georgia recently ruled that the land application of sewage sludge was responsible for killing 300 cows on a farm in Burke County, Georgia.

A number of celebrities, including Old McDonald and Little Miss Muffet, joined the cow on stage.

Old McDonald, a longtime farmer, said, “ I never took sludge and I never will. I don’t know what I’d do without a moo moo here and a moo moo there.” In tears, the venerable farmer had to be helped off the stage by the Farmer from the Dell, who, to the delight of the crowd, started chanting: high-ho the derry-o sewage sludge has got to go.

Little Miss Muffet was next to speak. She thundered, “Cats with fiddles, dishes with spoons, Mary and her lamb, the black sheep, the bell horses, the three blind mice, the little star, Jack Sprat, Little Bo Peep, the Queen of Hearts, and even Old King Cole support the cows and join them in their demand for a moratorium on the land application of sewage sludge. And let me tell you, with 100 million cows jumping over the moon, the owl and the pussy cat will not be able to dance by the light of the moon.”

Speculation is high that this is why neither the owl nor the pussy cat has joined the call to end sludge spreading. Miss Muffet continued by reminding the audience that information presented as fact, such as the EPA’s claim that sewage sludge is “safe,” is not always true. To prove her point, Miss Muffet appeared on the stage with Charlotte the spider.

Al Rubin, an architect of the EPA sludge disposal policy, said, “These characters have been loosely associated with the jumping cow for as long as anyone can remember. They should go back to the nursery and leave the science to us.”

As Mr. Rubin turned away, a pig that said his name was Snowball, shouted, “Who was the first animal to break into the shed to confront Mr. Jones on Manor Farm? A cow, that’s who! One failed revolution means nothing. You’ll see. We’ll have sludge-free farms.”

As Rubin walked into 1200 Pennsylvania Avenue, the crowd cheered as another pig named Wilbur spray-painted on the building’s wall:

1. Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy
2. Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend
3. No animal shall wear clothes
4. No animal shall sleep in a bed
5. No animal shall drink alcohol
6. No animal shall kill any other animal
7. All animals are equal
8. No animal shall be cloned
9. No animal shall eat genetically modified food
10. No animal shall eat food poisoned by sewage sludge

Laura Orlando
orlando@riles.org

Information about sludge can be found on the RILES website, including a recent sludge editorial and sludge links

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